akilivumbi:

people stare at me like they never seen a walking goddess

andrewhussiesbosom:

andrewhussiesbosom:

imagine shooting santa clause out of the sky

IM ALUGHING BECUASE ALL I CAN heAR HIM SHOUTInG IS “ho ho HOLY SHIT

meladoodle:

if i become a drug dealer i’m gonna say to my customers ‘now put THAT in your pipe and smoke it” and we’d all laugh and then i’d call the police because drugs are fucking illegal

The compliment every white guy in a movie has given his movie girlfriend:  Wow.. you.. you look great.

thessmartinski:

doctorwholia:

i wanna look like someone who can cut you but still bakes cookies in her spare time

image

modestmgmtofficial:

identical twins have so much power tbh last year my lab partner steve came in with pierced ears and everyone was like whoa steve when did u get them pierced and he was like i’ve had them for 3 years. i’m not steve. and he just sat down and started taking notes. the next day steve came in and was like did u guys see my brother jake yesterday lmao we switched schools